It is notable in my first few posts that i consider people and friends part of the reason I enjoy life. As I have been feeling a little less motivated today, it is good to note that a few hours spent with my person and my housemate-turned-great friend, in the spa under the stars has considerably picked up my spirits.
with home-made cola and a bottle of southern we talked for hours without realising. Its great to just chill out with great friends and forget the issues of the day, or talk and resolve them. whatever comes out. As my person said we don't plan our DnM sessions, and its true. Just let the night take you without obligation and I find that we have a much better time then.
After being ejected from out cosy spot by the security guard begining the process of locking up, we wished each other a good night and luck for our poor study attempts for our exam tomorrow. Good friends can give light to any dark day. They help without even realising it.
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, June 17, 2010
a clarification: brains and my awesomes
On my most recent post I said that I always pass my exams, easily. I owe a clarification:
I am very driven. I usually strive to achieve the best marks possible. In saying that, I am also competitive, and want to gain better marks than my fellow students. It drives me to try harder, push myself and be the top of whatever I do.
Its productive for me, and I guess I wouldn't have gotten here if I don't have that competitive streak. I guess that's why I find it so surprising that ocassionally, I just don't care. I have no energy, no drive.... but I've already said that. And I probably will again at a later date, recalling my progress through school.
I'm also smart. I'd have to be, or I wouldn't be where I am, regardless of how hard I try and how hard I push. I can grasp concepts easily, and I'd say in my sleep, but I'd hesitate to give you false information. I also have a photographic memory. "oooo, lucky me". I wish.
While I find it rather "easy" to learn things, remember things (not names so much though, but more on that later) I also find my natural ability in the class room to be a detriment to my social life. In early school it wasn't so bad. Marks weren't such an issue I guess. But as time wore on and we hit the hard years, competition comes out and people don't socialise as much. I've always been told by family and the like that it was because I am intimidating.... I think I'm easy to get along with. And those good-advice-givers in the same breath as telling me that I'm intimidating, also tell me I'm friendly and approachable. Odd combination.
But here in Uni, among the best of the best, I find other competitive people such as myself. But they seem to hate me for breezing through like I seem to do.
Truth is, I'm lazy. I don't want to work if I don't have to. And I don't have to work to pass. But I have to work extraordinarily hard to beat those super-study-students who spend as much of their spare time studying. I'd prefer to do other things, I value friends and the like. People are important to me.
And that brings me nice and semi-neatly to my point. It frustrates me that people decide to regard me as an enemy or something just because I am naturally gifted in the brains department. I'd love a challenge by some friends to push me harder. To make me work.
The bitchiness and politics of the people in my course make it hard to find good people, good friends, close people I'd want as my awesomes because I know they'd fly anywhere in the world for me.
I dislike the petty behaviours that you find most people exhibit. I thought it was just high school, but I have found that it continues in Univeristy, even in the more elite courses. Such is the difficulty of making true friends, and therein lies one of the values of the few select true friends I have happened to stumble across in life: they are my awesomes and I can't see me ever loosing them.
I am very driven. I usually strive to achieve the best marks possible. In saying that, I am also competitive, and want to gain better marks than my fellow students. It drives me to try harder, push myself and be the top of whatever I do.
Its productive for me, and I guess I wouldn't have gotten here if I don't have that competitive streak. I guess that's why I find it so surprising that ocassionally, I just don't care. I have no energy, no drive.... but I've already said that. And I probably will again at a later date, recalling my progress through school.
I'm also smart. I'd have to be, or I wouldn't be where I am, regardless of how hard I try and how hard I push. I can grasp concepts easily, and I'd say in my sleep, but I'd hesitate to give you false information. I also have a photographic memory. "oooo, lucky me". I wish.
While I find it rather "easy" to learn things, remember things (not names so much though, but more on that later) I also find my natural ability in the class room to be a detriment to my social life. In early school it wasn't so bad. Marks weren't such an issue I guess. But as time wore on and we hit the hard years, competition comes out and people don't socialise as much. I've always been told by family and the like that it was because I am intimidating.... I think I'm easy to get along with. And those good-advice-givers in the same breath as telling me that I'm intimidating, also tell me I'm friendly and approachable. Odd combination.
But here in Uni, among the best of the best, I find other competitive people such as myself. But they seem to hate me for breezing through like I seem to do.
Truth is, I'm lazy. I don't want to work if I don't have to. And I don't have to work to pass. But I have to work extraordinarily hard to beat those super-study-students who spend as much of their spare time studying. I'd prefer to do other things, I value friends and the like. People are important to me.
And that brings me nice and semi-neatly to my point. It frustrates me that people decide to regard me as an enemy or something just because I am naturally gifted in the brains department. I'd love a challenge by some friends to push me harder. To make me work.
The bitchiness and politics of the people in my course make it hard to find good people, good friends, close people I'd want as my awesomes because I know they'd fly anywhere in the world for me.
I dislike the petty behaviours that you find most people exhibit. I thought it was just high school, but I have found that it continues in Univeristy, even in the more elite courses. Such is the difficulty of making true friends, and therein lies one of the values of the few select true friends I have happened to stumble across in life: they are my awesomes and I can't see me ever loosing them.
one single boat fighting the current
Its busy, its hard, I get tired. Its not the first time, but it surprises me every time. Exam week is hard. The tireless effort that you have to put in eventually wears you down. You give up, cease to care, begin to let it slide. One day it hit me. Well, today it hit me. I woke up and realised that I don't care. I can't remember when I began to not care. I'll pass, I always do, easily. That's not the point. I have begun to loose the desire to be the best, to do the best, to be the best that I can be. Its almost like I no longer care where I belong in my cohort (marks wise?) and potentially where I belong in the world.
I am begining to think that its not just about Uni. It could also be about life. For so long during high school I just studied. I had friends, but only true ones towards the later part of year 12. I didn't put in the effort to socialise and I didn't care, my climbing marks gave me the pleasure that i now seek out with my awesomes, my really good friends. But I haven't had much social contact since begining study week. I even now sort of hide from my housemates. I want to be alone. I seek the silence and avoid that social etiquette of having to be pleasant and sociable with the people around you. Its not that I don't want to talk, I don't want to have to talk to them. not right now, anyway.
In saying that, I'm not being all morbid and "emo". I actually really enjoy the way my really close friends recognise that I "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" and am just not myself today. the beautiful thing about the people that love you is that they are there for you even when you have nothing to give them. My boyfriend lay on my bed holding me even though I couldn't say what was wrong, even though I couldn't give him the happy conversation i usually do. My person keeps her eye out. I know I can call her any time of day or night, drop by just because I need company. Its people like that I enjoy having in my life. But they are hard to find and so precious to me. I believe that it is the people in your life that make it all worthwhile.
I am begining to think that its not just about Uni. It could also be about life. For so long during high school I just studied. I had friends, but only true ones towards the later part of year 12. I didn't put in the effort to socialise and I didn't care, my climbing marks gave me the pleasure that i now seek out with my awesomes, my really good friends. But I haven't had much social contact since begining study week. I even now sort of hide from my housemates. I want to be alone. I seek the silence and avoid that social etiquette of having to be pleasant and sociable with the people around you. Its not that I don't want to talk, I don't want to have to talk to them. not right now, anyway.
In saying that, I'm not being all morbid and "emo". I actually really enjoy the way my really close friends recognise that I "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" and am just not myself today. the beautiful thing about the people that love you is that they are there for you even when you have nothing to give them. My boyfriend lay on my bed holding me even though I couldn't say what was wrong, even though I couldn't give him the happy conversation i usually do. My person keeps her eye out. I know I can call her any time of day or night, drop by just because I need company. Its people like that I enjoy having in my life. But they are hard to find and so precious to me. I believe that it is the people in your life that make it all worthwhile.
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