a clarification: brains and my awesomes

On my most recent post I said that I always pass my exams, easily. I owe a clarification:

I am very driven. I usually strive to achieve the best marks possible. In saying that, I am also competitive, and want to gain better marks than my fellow students. It drives me to try harder, push myself and be the top of whatever I do.

Its productive for me, and I guess I wouldn't have gotten here if I don't have that competitive streak. I guess that's why I find it so surprising that ocassionally, I just don't care. I have no energy, no drive.... but I've already said that. And I probably will again at a later date, recalling my progress through school.

I'm also smart. I'd have to be, or I wouldn't be where I am, regardless of how hard I try and how hard I push. I can grasp concepts easily, and I'd say in my sleep, but I'd hesitate to give you false information. I also have a photographic memory. "oooo, lucky me". I wish.

While I find it rather "easy" to learn things, remember things (not names so much though, but more on that later) I also find my natural ability in the class room to be a detriment to my social life. In early school it wasn't so bad. Marks weren't such an issue I guess. But as time wore on and we hit the hard years, competition comes out and people don't socialise as much. I've always been told by family and the like that it was because I am intimidating.... I think I'm easy to get along with. And those good-advice-givers in the same breath as telling me that I'm intimidating, also tell me I'm friendly and approachable. Odd combination.

But here in Uni, among the best of the best, I find other competitive people such as myself. But they seem to hate me for breezing through like I seem to do.

Truth is, I'm lazy. I don't want to work if I don't have to. And I don't have to work to pass. But I have to work extraordinarily hard to beat those super-study-students who spend as much of their spare time studying. I'd prefer to do other things, I value friends and the like. People are important to me.

And that brings me nice and semi-neatly to my point. It frustrates me that people decide to regard me as an enemy or something just because I am naturally gifted in the brains department. I'd love a challenge by some friends to push me harder. To make me work.

The bitchiness and politics of the people in my course make it hard to find good people, good friends, close people I'd want as my awesomes because I know they'd fly anywhere in the world for me.

I dislike the petty behaviours that you find most people exhibit. I thought it was just high school, but I have found that it continues in Univeristy, even in the more elite courses. Such is the difficulty of making true friends, and therein lies one of the values of the few select true friends I have happened to stumble across in life: they are my awesomes and I can't see me ever loosing them.